Just when we thought nothing would surprise us anymore after a bodycon that holds the body in place like a medieval corset at the gym, Kim Kardashian - the empress of modern snobbery and queen of controlled compression of all things human - has served us another innovation.
Here it is: a facial shaping mask from Skims - sewn from the same material that has so far bravely tamed our bellies, buttocks and abdominals. Now it's time for... your jawline.
Yes, you read that right. No more contouring your face with a brush. Now all you have to do is strap on a lycra belt like from a futuristic version of “Lord of the Rings” and wait for your face to “slim” itself. It doesn't hurt, it doesn't drag, it doesn't suffocate (I guess), but instead it looks like you're going to compete in a home triathlon for the title of “Slimmest of the Bathroom Mirror.”
Fashion? Of course.Wearing a Skims mask around the house is like drinking a matcha latte through a bamboo straw: you don't do it because you have to - you do it because you can. And then, of course, the selfie: you, the mask and the caption “Self-care, but make it Skims™”. Does beauty hurt? No, right now beauty squeezes - in strategic places.
Ironically? Absolutely. We used to wear masks to protect ourselves. Today we wear them to look like we've had our chaps injected for a dollar fifty. Only this one costs more and, unfortunately, doesn't give anesthesia.
Snobbery? At its best. This is no ordinary modeling mask. This is a SKIMS modeling mask. That is, a premium version of something you could theoretically find elsewhere, but after all, it wouldn't then have that wonderful aura of Kardashian bliss.
So is it worth it? Of course! Because after all, in a world where every part of the body can (and should!) be modeled, your jaw can't be left behind. Skims has just made sure that it too will have its moment on a compressed pedestal.
Finally, a tip:
Don't ask if it works. Ask if it looks good on Instagram. Because true beauty is not a state of mind - it's a state of tension. And it's preferably elastic. The new modeling mask from Skims is not just a beauty gadget. It's a manifesto. A manifesto of a compressed jaw and even more compressed expectations of the female body. But hey - at least it looks fashionable.
Photo courtesy of SKIMS
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